Custom Packaging

Packaging :-?

Silver flash, in clear green, nitrated stream. Looking into rippling, babbling,water flow. Life living,look to see,observing tumbling tinsely wrapper. Going,flowing,through nitrified,verdant,meadow. Willow along,banks weep down. Leeching into every source,this purine, The terrorists use,giving grass an emerald sheen. Killing,nearly everything, in this rippling stream. Now gone,the bullhead and the stickleback, Brown trout and mayfly,no longer feed, Or Dragon fly,O'er this green crystal water flow. Grey-green algae, nitrates cause to bloom and grow, That suffocate, the creatures that swam below. Purlieu,should marked,with Asphodel, To designate this putrefied,pitieous race, Turner or Constable,would have observed,this to paint See the subject surface,idyllic pictured place. How would they know? This desolate,aquatic desert,loss below. There is a final verse. intrested? Organic knowlage,has come to late, To save.The peoples tastes,educate. This babbling brook, the weeping trees, Have the clear,bland,perfect aspect, Of the produce,thus reavealed. That grace, the shopping trolleys I suppose that is why some people are inthedark. People that say sorry at the end of a sentance are insecure

Public Comments

1. very goood
2. Definitely has much merit but I don't like it - don't worry though that is just my personal reaction and I have no idea why(I tend to the more romantic and old fashioned pieces myself so perhaps that is it) - you are very talented so I cannot criticise your work. Keep going and ignore me please.
3. Wordy words ain't poetry sorry
4. Thanks but no thanks. No criticism but not a poem that touches my soul. I find that, even if not always appreciated, the writing (and thinking behind it) create a welcome release from everyday events. Good luck.
5. not sure it flows properly but i like it. although is 'packaging :-?' the title?
6. Interesting.
7. uumm... yeah.. what?? if i had to read that again, i would just fall over in torment. give the imagery a rest, and validate what your point is in some way shape or form..... if at all possible
8. kool